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Why Do I Have to Argue?

Freedom from reacting.

There used to be certain people who seemed to needle me all the time. They would basically troll me or upset me on purpose, just for a reaction. And I would become upset, understandably so. I would look for validation — Do I have a right to be upset? Do I have a right to be angry? Or am I overreacting?

The other day, I read something important — You don’t have to show up to every fight you’re invited to.

I cannot control someone else’s behavior. If they say something they know I don’t believe in, or know will upset me…I don’t have to engage. I don’t have to show up to the fight.

Or any other reason that may not be listed here.

I used to get caught in loops of explaining myself, or softening what I said, or even going back on what I said to prevent or stop the fight. Somehow, another person would pick a fight, and I ended up diminishing myself, apologizing, or worrying.

I would spend a lot of time trying to figure out the other person’s feelings, and then suddenly, hours of my time would be gone.

Huh? How did that happen?

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