Expanding Intimacy

Intimacy calls. It seems intimacy is the ability to wander very close, and even into, another person, emotionally and spiritually. No doubt, this is a very guarded area for most of us. What is this experience like?

It seems there are four things I must be able to manage. The first is trust. I must be able to trust, to open ever deeper places in me, to another. I will learn who to trust, and who to hold more reserved to. I must also be able to discern, and trust my instincts, who to open to. Some will be game for this, and some not. Some can be quite threatened by this and will be critical of my interest and even question my intentions. There is vulnerability in going here.

The second is resilience. I must have the ability that, if it does not go well, at any time, I can come back from the experience without full and massive distrust of all people. It is like being able to follow an unknown path, ascending, descending, then slipping, feeling wounded or in pain, and then being able to pick back up, and continue to explore where this path will lead. It is not to abandon the path because of a painful experience.

Third, I must have courage. There may be times of rebuff or even outright rejection. This can be painful, disconcerting and even disorienting. It may be like hitting heavy seas for the first time while sailing. Maybe even being capsized. I must right myself or climb to safety. Bearings need to be gathered again and new and wiser legs put back beneath me. The journey must be picked back up, with this experience tucked within, informing my path ahead, and, here’s the art of it, …without impairing my willingness to explore. To move forward without hedging myself in the future, instead, leaning back in, fully into the adventure, only now, a little wiser.

And fourth, I must handle my insecurity. It seems this is the area of doubt, of not trusting myself, and not having confidence. Maybe it’s the area of hesitation. Maybe I know what I can do, what I want to say and how to be, but I hesitate, I don’t trust myself. I can continue to walk and move into the unknown and, I must get used to this feeling of trusting myself with what to do and how to be. The unknown is the place of the new, the exploring, the creative and the collaborative. It is the place of new and further closeness with another. It is the place of discovering or uncovering more of who I am, and discovering the who someone else is as well.

And a last thought, I need to feel my self worth. I need to feel I deserve closeness, attention and intimacy. I must feel worthy of this. Simply, me and my worthiness. No contest with anyone else, I am just worthy to receive and have this. And, I can give acute attention to another as well. We can exist in close attention on one another, if only at times. Like anything I give my attention to, I can give very close attention, which usually brings me giving all I can, and created the best results.

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